Dear sandy feet,

I hope you can help me out because if you can't it will be a long and miserable winter for me. Allow me to explain: My lovely wife Thelma is what you would call a Big Band music Fan, with a capital F. We get to dancing to Tommy Dorsey and those sparks still fly, if you know what I mean. Well, this is my problem... Mr. Genius here forgot to pack the whole Big Band tape collection for our trip down from Indiana and to say the wife is miffed would be an understatement. To put it bluntly, Ms. feet, if I don't find some good dancing music, it will be a cold winter indeed. Can you help?

Hey, that's what I'm here for. You and Mrs. Happy Feet are in luck; Ollie over at the Coral Reef (across from Rovan's) has the music your wife craves. The Coral Reef All Star Big Band features original musicians from the bands you grew up with. They know all your old favorites and dancing is encouraged. As though that weren't enough, the Coral Reef's prices are among the lowest in town, and the bartenders among the friendliest.

No need to thank me; this is the kind of moment when all those lonely hours hunched over the computer pay off.

Dear Ms. Feet,

Would you please help restore domestic harmony to my house and settle this argument my spouse and I have been waging for the last two months? I say those big red ribbons tied to the light poles on the causeway are part of the stay off of drugs thing. She says they were placed there to discourage the pelicans from committing suicide on the bridge. So who's right?

You both are. The red ribbons are warning the pelicans to just say no to drugs because everyone knows that a stoned pelican is several times more likely to fly headlong into oncoming traffic than one that's just had a couple of beers with the boys....

Actually, I'm not sure how waving red ribbons translate into "Warning! Extremely large objects moving at very rapid speeds below" in pelicanese, but they certainly are festive looking and who knows, maybe they actually do what they were intended to.

It bothers me that so many people ignore the flashing slow-down sign when the winds come hard out of the north. It seems a small enough concession to make to these really quite magnificent birds.

Dear sandy,

I read in the paper that the SPI authorities are cracking down on unrestrained dogs. As a dog-owner, how do you feel about this?

I say it's about time! The unrestrained island dog problem is clearly out of control. Why, just a couple of weeks ago I got a 6:00 AM call from the SPI Police department saying DuneDog, my yellow lab, was reportedly hanging out on someone else's porch, disturbing them and their dog. Since Duner was right where he always is at 6 AM - within arm's reach of my bed, I could only reach one conclusion: some unrestrained island dog, cleverly masquerading as my DuneDog, was running around the neighborhood wreaking havoc.

The headlines say it all --Dogs attacking bar patrons. Dogs attacking other dogs. Obviously, the situation is out of hand and the city has been quick to react to the rising crisis. Duner and his little bro Wags would never attack another dog or a human being (though Wags is pretty good at catching flies) -- but not all dogs are as well-mannered as mine.

It's a doggone shame, too, because a few irresponsible dog-owners can bring down the heat on the rest of us otherwise law-abiding citizens who like to slip the leash and give the dog a well-earned romp in the surf once in a while... in the dead of night.... on a deserted stretch of beach... when there is no one around to be bothered by it....

Anyway, if you see a suspicious yellow lab loitering around your porch some night, do me a favor and check his tag before you report me to the police, okay?


No More Excuses! There are now five (5) ways to submit your questions/comments for future Ask Sandy columns: In person; by phone (761-6222); the US Postal System (PO Box 2694 or c/o PI/SPI Press); fax (956-761-6222) and E-mail ( Also, you can catch Feet and Amazin' Walter live every Sunday evening at 6 on KZSP 95.3 for the weekly broadcast of S.O.B. Radio.


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